Hello friends. Welcome to my blog. I want to start by saying thank you for taking time out of your lives to read this. I went back and forth on whether or not to even share what I write for some time. I am not writing to seek additional sympathy or to come across as pretentious. I know that I am not an expert on mental illness, alcoholism, or suicide. I am just a sister that is grieving the loss of her brother and using my love for writing as a means to heal. I only hope that I can write and share my heart with you in a way that honors my brother.

It’s hard to even know where to start. We have always known that suicide exists. For the most part, we hear about it in the news, we feel bad about it for a moment or two, and then we get to move on with our lives. Right? I am just as guilty of that, because it had never directly affected MY life. That all changed for me on April 3rd, 2018, when my own beautiful brother, Jamie, chose suicide. Suddenly every single suicide that I hear about on the news is enough to bring me to my knees and I find myself literally weeping for complete strangers. I have suddenly become acutely aware of every suicide statistic that is available. I can now tell you that suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. I can tell you that every year 44,965 people choose suicide. I can tell you that for every suicide that is successfully executed another 25 attempts fail. I can tell you that, on average, there are 123 suicides a day. That means, that literally, right now as you are reading this, somebody is in the act of taking their own life. Just take a minute and think about that. Let that sink in. IT IS NOT OK for us to continue sitting by idly as people keep dying.

If you were one of the 400+ people in attendance at Jamie’s funeral then you already know that right out the gate my family chose to address the role that alcoholism and mental health played in his suicide. There was an audible gasp in the room that day as those words were first spoken. It is not easy to say that my brother was an alcoholic with mental illness. The words are hard to speak. The words are hard to hear. The words are even hard for me to type. So, I understand that our willingness to address it in that moment was shocking. However, even then, in our darkest hour and while we were drowning in sorrow we immediately recognized the need to open this up for discussion. Pretending that none of it existed in his life would only continue to fuel the stigma that is in turn fueling the suicide epidemic in our country.

If I didn’t believe it before, I believe it now. People actually do WANT to talk about it. They WANT to be heard. They WANT to know that other people understand. They are just too afraid. I posted at 5:26pm on social media that I had intentions of publishing this blog. By 5:55pm I had already received a message from a family friend that confided in me her own story of mental illness and two failed suicide attempts within their own immediate family. I was folding laundry in my bedroom when I received the message. I literally sank to my knees and sobbed as I text back and forth with her. It breaks my heart that so many people are carrying this burden all on their own.

I KNOW that it’s hard to talk about. I have lived it. I get it. But what I don’t understand is why??? Why do we continue to put shame on these diseases? Do we shame a person that is living with arthritis? No. Do we shame a person that is living with hypothyroidism? No. Do we shame a person that is living with diabetes? NO! So, WHYYYYYYY in the hell are we shaming people for living with mental illness and alcoholism or any other addiction?? A person doesn’t choose those for themselves any more than a diabetic chooses diabetes. As a society, and as fellow human beings, we have to normalize this. It is OK to be sick, my friends. It is OK to talk about it. And, it is OK to ask for help.

Although I feel that sharing all of this with you is the right thing to do, a huge part of me is still hesitant. I don’t want this to mislead you into thinking that Jamie was just an alcoholic with mental illness. Yes, he was sick. But, he was SO MUCH MORE than that. If you were blessed enough to know him in any capacity then you already know this. He was one of the most loved human beings I have ever known. I absolutely refuse to let his last act of suicide be what defines him.

I have so much in my heart to share with all of you. As I go on I will try my best to categorize things so I am not just rambling from one thing to the next. I also have a friend that is living with mental illness that has volunteered to guest post and talk about what life is like for him. If anyone else out there would like to do the same, let me know. If at any point you have questions or something you would like me to talk about, just contact me. My family and I know that we can’t change the world. But, if we can touch just one life, just ONE SINGLE LIFE, then putting ourselves out here will be worth it.

XOXO – Jennifer