I started this blog a few months after Jamie left us. I wanted to share our story to hopefully touch the life of somebody out there on the same grief filled journey as ourselves, but I mostly started it as a means of survival. I like to write. Sitting down at my computer and pouring my soul out into tangible words on the computer screen has helped me to survive in the aftermath of my brother’s suicide. However, publishing it on the worldwide web for the entire world to read has been one of the scariest things I have ever done in my entire life.
I had no idea whether people would enjoy reading it or if they would respond and interact with me in any way. Let me tell you friends, you have all blown me away! Your words of encouragement and your willingness to share in confidence with me your own stories have touched my heart beyond measure. Thank you for trusting me with your most personal heartaches. I wish I had a sparkly, purple unicorn to ride in on and a magic wand that I could wave to magically ease all our worries in life, but I don’t. All I can do is continue to share with you what we have learned from our own tragic loss.
If you follow my blog page or are a friend of mine on Facebook or Instagram, then you know that I posted about a freshman boy from the community I grew up in that died by suicide this week. Yep, you are reading that correctly. A freshman boy. It has put my family and I on our knees. You guys, our children are killing themselves. Our kids are dying. I don’t know about you, but I can NOT live in a world where this is acceptable. I can’t and I won’t. So yes, I will ride this soapbox and I will preach until I am blue in the face until somebody hears me. In saying that, there is a part of Jamie’s story that I haven’t had the courage to share with you yet. It’s so painful for us and such a personal part of his story that I haven’t been ready to talk about it. However, the suicide of that 14-year-old little boy has put me over my limit, shaken me to my core, and has compelled me to tell you more of our truth.
Many of my readers have reached out to me and spoken with me privately and confidentially about their children. Although I promise that you will all remain anonymous, this is just too important to not talk about. There seems to be a resounding theme with each of these conversations. I am often told that they worry about their child because their child has shown signs of depression and anxiety, and/or that their child has even expressed suicidal thoughts. The most common thing I hear is “I just don’t know whether to believe them or not”. I get it, my friends. I am a mother to two of the most dramatic little girls you will ever meet. No joke. My youngest daughter, Myah, loves to talk. She can’t stand the silence. She will make shit up just to hear her own voice!!!!! I promise you, I fully understand as a mother that you don’t always know what to believe. However, I am here to tell you that when it comes to your child’s emotional and mental well-being you MUST believe them.
What does this have to do with Jamie? This is the part that gets painful to share, my friends. Real painful. We all know the story about the boy that cried wolf, right? The painful truth is that Jamie rewrote his own version of that tale. He was the boy that cried wolf. Although his suicide was a complete shock to most everyone that knew him, the cold, hard, painful truth is that, as a family, we knew Jamie was suicidal. (I know. Go ahead. Gasp. But don't you dare judge us until you have walked in our shoes). I have told you before that the last 9 months of his life were brutal. He put us through the ringer. He threatened us day in and day out with the notion of suicide. He dangled it in front of us like a weapon. With every threat we would drop our lives to run to him. Don’t get me wrong, we have NO regrets about doing that. I wish more than anything in this world I was running to his side right now instead of writing this blog post. He exhausted us; my parents, his siblings, his aunts and uncles, his cousins, and even a few of his very closest friends. We all suffered right next to him. We tried everything in our power to get him help. We put every tool in front him that we could find, but he refused. It was false threat after false threat after false threat… until it wasn’t.
My point? Friends, you must believe your child if they are brave enough to use their voice and cry out to you for help. There is no other choice. You must take each and every single thing that they say regarding their mental and emotional health to heart like it is gospel truth. I know it can be exhausting. I KNOW. I have lived it. But the risk you run by choosing to not believe them is too great. Their lives are at stake. I beg you to listen. I beg you to get them professional help. Not tomorrow. Not next week. NOW. You can NOT afford to gamble on their mental health.
Do not let them be the boy that cried wolf.
XOXO – Jennifer
National Hotline for Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-8255