Holy WOW, my friends! I woke up this morning to an unexpected message from one of Jamie’s work colleagues and best friends, Tedd Van Vleck. I cried all the ugly tears reading it not because it made me sad necessarily, but because it brings my heart joy to know how very loved Jamie was and still is.
I have said it before and I will say it again; the truth is… my family is selfish. We are so selfish with our grief that sometimes we forget to recognize the fact that Jamie’s suicide didn’t just change our lives, but it changed the life of every single person that knew and loved him too.
The ripple effect suicide has and the collateral damage it leaves in its wake is truly beyond measure.
Thank you, Tedd, for sharing with all of us your love for Jamie and how his suicide has affected your life.
Thank you for loving my brother.
XO - Jennifer
Tribute To My Friend - Writer: Tedd Van Vleck
I met Jamie in 2012 when I moved to Galesburg with work. We were on the same team and my first impression of him was that he needed to CALM down! Haha. I had never met someone with a mind all over the place and the energy that he had. I quickly realized the passion that he carried with it.
To this day, I would pick Jamie to be on my team for just about anything; from moving trains to a competition and especially in golf! The guy had the most heartfelt and genuine laugh I have ever heard. He could hit a golf ball and land it anywhere he wanted… (except when putting)!!!
Here’s an ironic thing about our friendship. I was playing golf with Jamie and Joe Nichols in Burlington one day and we stopped at Buffalo Wild Wings. I received a call from my best friend’s wife after we walked in and quickly ran outside to take the news that my best friend had just died by suicide. I had met him at our babysitter’s house when we were 3 years old and we had remained best friends. Although we both had moved around with work, I thought that we would retire somewhere together one day. We made trips to see each other almost every year and we had talked not too long before his suicide trying to figure out when and where to meet next… which made his suicide even more confusing. The guy had a beautiful wife, incredible kids, and an amazing career that not only took care of him and his family but was also challenging and very rewarding. I was incredibly proud of him. I went back inside to share the news with Joe and Jamie. I remember telling Jamie on that day and on one other occasion how angry I was that my best friend didn’t reach out and give me a chance to help him or to at least tell me goodbye. I shared all of my grief with Jamie about the situation and the pain that my best friend’s children, family, and friends were feeling because of his decision. Ironically, Jamie and I talked a lot about my friend’s suicide.
Although I met Jamie so late in life, he quickly became a best friend to me too. I am not sure how you couldn’t love him. We had epic arguments at work but he taught me so much on how to railroad even though I was actually his boss. We played pranks, hung out when we weren’t at work, and he taught me a ton about managing a round of golf. I have so many stories I could share!
We talked a lot during the last month of his life and sent text messages that I have went through over and over. I stayed up after midnight multiple times talking him through things that he was struggling with. I now live in Texas but yet he stayed in touch with me more than anyone that I worked with in Galesburg. He was my true friend and I had imagined that he and I would end up on a golf course somewhere together during our retirement.
Jamie spoke so highly of his children, his family, and especially of his dad. He admitted to mistakes he had made and I pointed out all of the things that he had also done right. One thing Jamie definitely was… emotional. That is a positive thing but he was so quick to get down on himself. Sometimes you had to point out the positive side of things and I felt like we had worked through SO much of that in the last month before his suicide. I had even commented to one of our old bosses the progress I thought we had made.
I know I hadn’t brought up my best friend’s suicide in our final talks… but I wish I had. Maybe that could have changed things. Maybe I should have talked longer, been more direct, been softer, invited him down, asked if I could have come up to visit him. All the same things that had plagued me for years with my other friend now plague me when I think of Jamie. However, in the end, I do realize how much this truly is a disease.
I consider my time with Jamie a blessing. I am not angry with him. I am happy that he made a mark on my life for the good. Having lived through the loss of two friends to suicide has in a way helped me to heal and to stop blaming myself for not doing more! I hope you try to look at the positives that can come from tragedy and to not blame yourself or the person you have lost. Learn from Jamie and spend that extra minute with someone. Help even when you may not have the time. Don’t wait until tomorrow for that conversation and never go to bed mad.
-Tedd Van Vleck
-National Hotline for Suicide Prevention: - 1-800-273-8255